Starcrossed Rivals
by Soul Flash
Summary: Cartman wants to make the relationship work, but he isn't sure it will. Kyman! Fluff. Oneshot for Valentine's Day. T for lot of swearing.


**Hey, all. Yeah, haven't seen me in awhile, have you? Well, there's a perfectly good explanation for that. Basically I've had writer's block/depression for months now because of some things I won't get into because they're not only stupid reasons, but I don't want to bore you guys with the details. This story itself was very, very, very hard for me to write because I couldn't believe that I could finish it in time. I felt pressured, and I know forcing yourself to write when you really don't want to is a stupid idea, but hey, I'm an idiot. XP**

**Anyway, this isn't my best by any means. Although I don't loathe it like I did at first, I'm still not too fond of it. Lame plot plus writer's depression equals disaster. But I just had to get something out for Valentine's Day.**

**Regardless of how crappy it is to me, I hope you guys enjoy this! And please, please comment. Really. I don't want to feel like all of this hard work went to waste.**

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In past years Valentine's Day had never really done anything for me. It wasn't a holiday I hated – it was just there. Sure, it was awkward watching friends of mine hooking up with girls, exchanging roses and boxes of chocolates, cards filled with lines cheesier than my mom's potato kugel, but it's not like I felt any kind of pain in the thought that I didn't have anyone to share the day with. To me it was just another normal day, and I always saw relief in the fact that I didn't have to feel obligated to spend the day with someone or waste my money on some kind of lame gift that would be forgotten in six month's time. Yeah, yeah, once a cheap Jew always a cheap Jew. But that's a good thing, right?

Frugalness aside, being single on such a day made me feel even stronger, too. I was independent. I didn't need some girl to hang off of me in order to prove my place on the social ladder or to feel like I was important. I didn't need anybody to make me feel good about myself. I was perfectly fine on my own, just hanging out with my friends, and being single didn't bother me at all. It was more fun to sit back and make fun of those who had to shower their girlfriends with gifts or suffer the consequences.

That is, until Cartman came into my life.

"You know it's thirteen degrees out here, right? Let me in before I freeze my fucking balls off!"

Well, okay, he was already _in _it, but you know. He came into it that way. I still don't really understand how it happened or what was going on in my mind when I said, "Sure, why not?" Something happened here, something happened there and... well, it just evolved from there. I would almost say that he hypnotized me into doing so just because he's a sick freak, but there's not a fiber of idiot in me that would say that. That's all reserved for him.

The loud tap on my window, accompanied by the sound of his voice, has me bolting to the window on the right side of my bed.

"What in the hell are you doing here?" I whisper, reaching my hand out to grab hold of his arm and pull him in. "You know you're likely to get shot if my parents know you here!"

He looks at me and a chuckle rattles deep in his throat as he helps himself to my bed. "Oh? _Your _parents own a gun? I thought they were against the possession of firearms... They're certainly liberal enough to be so."

"Oh, shut up," I hiss, slapping him on the upper arm. Of course, this does nothing thanks to his overall musculature. That and my weak way of hitting him. "I'm serious, you need to get out of here, _now,_" I warn. "You can't be here, especially after that falling out your mother and mine had the other day. My mom absolutely hates you now, and if she finds us together, she'll kill us both."

For this being such a dire situation, he acts shockingly calm. This worries me to no end, but when does he not do that? All he does is simply hum and glance at his nails before he finally chooses to answer me. "Hm, just like the tragic story of _Romeo and Juliet_, no?"

"I didn't know you actually paid attention in class," I jest, taking my place against the wall at the side of my bed. "Usually when I look over at you, you're sleeping. It takes several prods with my pencil just to get you up, too. But still, you've got it all wrong. They don't get shot by someone, they both die at their own hands – him by poison and her by his dagger."

"Oh, well fine." Although it's not completely light in my room, I can still see him roll his eyes at me. My eyes follow his form as he gets back up to stand by the window again. "Then maybe we should try this again to hit the mark a little better. Here, let me climb back out the window and let you say your little speech asking where I am and shit while I sneak back and climb up to kiss you."

My cheeks flare up, but it's really more in anger than in anything else. Really. I make a frustrated sound in the bottom of my throat and push him forcefully, spurred to do this solely because of that smug fucking smirk on his face. "That's not the point, you idiot!" Any caution I took before to keep my voice down is now forgotten as I open my window back up and turn him around and push him at it."Cartman, I'm not kidding. Get out of here before we both get it."

He doesn't budge. "No."

Before I let myself make another growling sound, I run my hands over my face in my bout of frustration. "This is no time to be stubborn," I stress. When he still doesn't move I slump over in defeat. "Cartman, what is it? What do you want?" It's pathetic, but I almost whine, but it's completely justifiable because I want him gone so that I can go to sleep before my parents wake up and find him and turn this whole night into a mess and... ugh.

To my complete surprise, he blinks – it's shocking because I was expecting to hear this long, drawn-out reason from him for being here. But no. He looks between me, the ground, and the window, obviously at a loss for words. "Well, I'm here because... I... I... Hmm."

And then he furrows his eyebrows in the way he always does when he doesn't have an answer for something. I let out a heavy sigh and slink over to my bed while he ponders an answer, flopping down on the creaky mattress that can probably be heard down the hall all the way to my parents' room. This doesn't bother me much anymore, though, because if they haven't come running in here yet that means they must be dead asleep. And the only thing that can wake them up - if this is so - is if Cartman and I started yelling in a fight or something. Which is entirely possible. Hopefully that won't happen.

"I just wanted to see you again?" he finally says sheepishly. His lame, pathetic attempt to comes across in the corniest grin I've ever seen.

It's my turn to roll my eyes at him. "Cartman, you're going to see me tomorrow. And tomorrow's going to be a big day for us, especially if we're going to be sneaking hugs and kisses and gifts and stuff in between classes. Come on, go home. Please? I need my sleep and so do you."

"I... Fine. If that's what you want. I just thought it would be... Never mind. Yeah, I'll see you tomorrow, Kahl. 'Night."

"Cartman, wait." I stop him before he starts climbing out by grabbing his arm and tilt my head at him. "What do you mean? What did you think coming here would be?"

He shakes his head and jerks his arm out of my grasp. "Just forget it. It's stupid."

"No. Tell me, Cartman."

"I just... thought it would be... r-ro... _romantic,_" he spits it out like he's eaten bad food, "to come here and see you. Kinda like _Romeo and Juliet_. I mean, it's just we're reading it right now in class and... I'm inspired."

"And yet you still manage to get half of the story wrong." I chuckle. "Sorry, lover boy, but you're going to have to try a little bit harder than that. Starting by paying attention in class, which means you need sleep first. So come on, out you go."

"Come on, give me credit for making my own version of it. I'm not trying to follow it verbatim." "But alright. I'll see you tomorrow. You better be there by seven thirty, though, because I have some things to give you before everyone gets there."

"I'm always there before you, fatass," I say in more of an endearing way than anything. "But okay. The fact that you actually bought me something has me hooked." "See you tomorrow."

"You're such a fucking girl, Kahl." "See you."

I growl and slam my window down, trying to smash his fingers at that comment, but I'm unfortunate enough to miss. Normally I would shout back that I'm not, but again, I don't want to wake my parents and cause some big commotion that's totally unavoidable in the first place. If I can remember in the morning I'll get him for it then. Other than that I yawn in exhaustion and climb into my bed, falling back asleep fast despite the fluttering in my stomach.

And just as I had promised, I'm at school -inside it, rather- by seven twenty. I stand by my locker as I wait for him, carefully watching the few others who are here walk back and forth between... well, wherever they're going. Hopefully they don't prove too much of a problem as we exchange our romantic gifts. The area really isn't that safe or clear, though, and I question whether I should tell him that we should find somewhere secluded and free from prying eyes. Because it's not just our parents that have a problem with our relationship. The student body, our friends, given they knew about Cartman and I, wouldn't be too thrilled about it either. And although it's not surprising that they would think so, given the image we've given our friendship over the years, it would just be so much easier if we could have it out in the open. It's not the homophobia that gets them – it's just us.

I sigh as I consider the fact that our story really is close to Shakespeare's tragedy. Two people who are supposed to hate each other, but are really seeing each other behind everyone's backs. Maybe Cartman is onto something...

But no. I can't go there. Because if I do, then weird, fucked up things will start happening to us again like when we were kids.

"'Sup, Jew?"

I snap out of my thoughts to look up at Cartman, who's standing in front of me, arms crossed and an expression of indifference on his face. All of these things are just for show, for obvious reasons. He jerks his head in a direction and begins to walk that way, leaving me no choice to follow. I can only assume that he's figured that we need to find a private place as well, something I wouldn't have really given him credit for. He's clever and smart in his own ways, but he can still be very rash at times, usually to the point of making a fool for himself.

I tell him it's shocking that he considered something like this and I earn a scoff in response.

"Please, Kahl. Give me more credit. You know my reputation's just as much at stake as yours is. This is leaps and bounds for me. Now come on, we don't have a lot of time left before people start coming in in droves."

He leads me around a few corners and through a few hallways before we find a corner where many people don't seem to be passing by. Just to be safe, though, I step backwards until my back is wedged into the corner, which hopefully hides my identity at first glance because of the lack of light coming against it. Cartman smiles at me and slings his backpack off of his shoulder to set it down on the ground and dig through it. I watch him curiously, taking note that it's way fuller than usual. Funny that he brings piles upon piles of gifts for me, yet he doesn't bother to bring a single textbook for class.

"Alright," he says as he stands upright, giving me my first gift of a bouquet of flowers. "I know that we're only two months in here and a lot of presents seems strange, but there's a reason for that. I figured the more the gifts, the more you belong to me. No matter what anybody says."

"You would think that," I say hopelessly as I roll my eyes and grip the flowers in my hand, my stomach churning nervously at each crackle the wrapping around the stems makes. "Possessive bastard." I look down at his still packed bag and frown. " You know it's going to be impossible for me to fit all of these things in my bag without smashing them."

All he does is give me a sly grin and hand me something else. "That's why you carry half of it around for everyone to see. You don't tell them who they're from, though, because you don't know." He winks. "Keeps them guessing."

"Cartman, this isn't a fucking game." I sigh and look down at the gift. This time it's a box of chocolates. ...Wait a minute. "Dude, I can't eat these!" I rattle the box by his head. "Can't you remember that I'm diabetic. These'll put me into a coma!"

A slight, questioning hum comes from him as he briefly looks back up at me. "Yeah, well, I really got those for me. Here." He snatches them back and slips them back into his pack.

"Fucking fatass...," I mutter under my breath. "Cartman, I don't get it. Why did you bother to spend so much money on me for all of this junk? It's not really that romantic-"

I'm stopped as he shoves a stuffed elephant in my face. I blink in shock and glance behind it only to see him smirking again.

"Kyle, don't think I'm still the same idiot you've known your whole life. I know what you like, and I know how to be romantic. You can't prove it otherwise." When I don't say anything to him in response, he places the elephant on my shoulder to sit as he pulls something else out of his bag. "Now, I wrote you some poetry."

He hands me a piece of red paper folded into the shape of a heart. It's folded rather neatly, but I can see mistakes that he must have made while he was shaping it. I don't doubt that he probably looked up the instructions online last night before he came to visit me.

"Poetry?" I chuckle at him while I begin to open the note up. The elephant starts to fall off of my shoulder, but I quickly catch it before it can hit the ground. I settle it firmly back in place before giving him another incredulous glance. "I didn't realize you were capable of such a feat. And origami, too? Damn, Cartman, what's up with you?"

"You're up, that's what," he replies gruffly. "Now read it. And hurry up, we don't have much time."

I chuckle again. "Well, I doubt it'll take that long to read. It's so short." I glance up at him again and smile before reading the poem aloud. _"'I'm a Nazi and you're a Jew, but that doesn't mean that I don't love you'" _

I read it over again, and again, and then I look back up at his expression. He's flustered, which is understandable – this isn't really like him, but... then again it is. He's trying to prove a point here, and he'll basically do anything to prove he's right.

"Cartman... are you serious?" Another chuckle escapes my mouth, one that I can't suppress, but I'm soon wishing that I did.

"Yeah, yeah, it's stupid. I just... I thought it would be nice. But... But if you don't like it then here, I'll just take it back."

"C... Cartman." Words can't express my shock, especially as he starts to walk away down the hall. "Wait, Cartman! Where are you going?"

"Class. I'll see you later, Jew."

One look around at the empty hall and I know he's not calling me that for the sake of keeping up appearances. I manage to slip in front of him and stop him a few feet from the corner that's likely to lead us into a sea of students. There's really no explanation why this hall we're standing in is so empty, but I don't bother to question it now.

"Cartman, that's a lie," I say in what sounds like a hurt tone, though I don't necessarily mean for it to come out that way. "You never go to class unless I drag your ass there. I..." The scowl on his face has me stopping for a second, but I try not to let it get to me. "Look... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to laugh. I just... I'm not entirely used to this yet. It's only been two months."

He isn't entertained by this. "Yeah. You're not used to it. You see it like the rest of them do – our parents, our friends, this entire fucking school. It's awkward and wrong to you because we're supposed to hate each other. It's the fucking law, isn't it? That's what you think, yeah? That the fact we're together is so forbidden, so wrong, but you go along with it just because you're compassionate and you feel bad for me. Isn't that right, Kyle?"

"Cartman, no!" I exclaim, subconsciously walking closer to him. "That's not it at all! How dare you just assume that I think of it that way! I..." I let out a shaky breath and nervously look behind me before going on. "I made my own decision to get together with you, and it wasn't out of compassion. I did it because I believed that you would be a good match for me. I did it because in that moment I liked you back. And you've proven to be better than I expected. You're still an asshole, but it's not like you're not trying at all. Because you are. And I can see that."

I lick my lips, give one last look behind me, and then close the distance between us. I press my body firmly against his and wrap my arms firmly around his torso to assure myself that he won't try to run away. "I don't want you to think that I don't care. I don't want you to assume that I think this relationship is wrong and that I don't love you. Because love is never wrong, Cartman. It can be an outright bitch at times to work around, but it's never wrong. _This _isn't wrong, Cartman. I love you. I really do. The things you've done in the past two months... the fact that you actually went out to buy me things for today is amazing. I know you wouldn't bother to do that unless you really did love me back. So please, _please _don't think that I don't appreciate what you've done so far. Don't think that I don't care. I do. I'm just still stuck in that rival mindset. It's hard making the transition. I... I just... I don't want to lose you. Not today. Or any day, for that matter. It would suck."

There's a long period of silence that rests between the time I finish talking. I start to fret, thinking that nothing that I said even got through to him. That or he doesn't care. Either way, it's not a good feeling and I brace myself for what he'll do next.

"Stupid fucking Jew..." His soft, calm voice doesn't at all match the bitter, angry scowl he gives me as I'm pushed off of him. "You and your goddamned speeches. Will you ever quit?"

"I... I don't know."

He walks over to a nearby set of lockers and leans against them. "Kyle, I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I want to be with you, but the fact that people like our parents believe we shouldn't be together has me thinking twice about it." A curt chuckle escapes him. "It's really like we're in the middle of this big feud that should have nothing to do with our relationship. I mean, it does, but..."

"Cartman... this isn't like you. Whatever happened to the indifference of what others think? What happened to doing whatever you want? What's gotten into you?"

"I told you that already. You're what's gotten into me. Look, don't you get it? If I just went around flaunting the fact that you were mine without considering what other people would think or do, then I would get us into huge trouble. You would get hurt. And I don't want that happening."

"Then why were you so insistent on staying last night when you knew that my parents would both slaughter us if they found out you were there?"

"I told you that, too, Kyle," he grounds out, the correct pronunciation of my name once again a sign that he's totally serious about the matter. "I wanted to see you. I don't give a damn if they end up hurting me. That's not the point. The point is if they hurt _you-"_

"I would go nuts if they killed you!" I shout, now completely disregarding the fact that we in high danger of being found out. Hell, for all I know first period's already started. But that's just not important right now...

"You know how insane I would become if I knew you got hurt, or paralyzed, or killed?" I continue on shakily. Tears are pricking at my eyes, and as hard as I try to push them back I can't help but let one or two slip down my cheek. "Cartman, this isn't one-sided, and I just... _Fuck, _don't you get it?"

He stops there. And, naturally, I get scared again. Scared he's gotten mad; that he's had it; that he'll leave me because it's in our best interests. Because it's not. It's so not. Of all fucking days for us to be fighting over something like this.

I don't even notice the fresh flood of tears sliding down my face until he walks up and starts to wipe them off of my face. He's showing a tender, warm smile as he does so, which is a total (but very pleasant) surprise to me because I was so damned convinced that he was pissed over this whole thing. His next words help to explain why, though.

"Look at us, Kyle," he says softly. "What are we doing? Fighting on a day like today? This is so stupid..."

I look at him on confusion, then blush and look down as he takes off my hat to run a soothing hand through my hair. "You read my mind. I was thinking the same thing..." My eyes find their way back up to his face and I let a small smile spread across my face. "I still don't even know what you're getting at here."

"I..." He opens his mouth, closes it, then starts again. "I don't know, either. I lost myself a looooong time ago."

He lets out a laugh; I chuckle back. And suddenly we're shaking up a storm of chortles, giggles, and snickers in the hallway that probably has students close by wondering what in the hell is going on. And the walk around the corner to see what's happening. And there they'll find Kyle Broflovski and Eric Cartman, two supposedly diehard enemies in stitches because of hell knows what. They'll ask questions; wonder why two such bitter enemies would be having such a good time. But they won't have to know the truth because I'll just reply back by saying that Cartman told me the worst joke in the world and I'm laughing at his stupidity. And when they ask why Cartman's laughing as well I'll say that he's just trying to outlaugh me, that it's just another attempt by him to outdo me in the rivalry they all know so well. And by that time they'll leave in a jumble of mumbles and mutters, head off to their respective classes, then forget about it by fifth period.

Fortunately for us, though, this doesn't happen at all. Just out of curiosity I peek around the corner, and I'm pleased to find that we're completely alone. A quick glance at a wall clock tells me that we're way overdue for first period, hence why nobody's in the corridors behind us. I can't imagine that we missed hearing the first bell, but it's not something I concern myself with in the least. I turn back to look at Cartman with a warm smile.

"Looks like we're late," I say as I stuff my hands into my pockets.

"Yeah, what else is new?" He laughs again and then begins to shuffle his feet like he's nervous. "...Look. I'm sorry about the assuming, and the big fight I started, and... the danger I put us in last night. I've really made an ass out of myself again, but this time I... I'm sorry."

Taken aback at his sudden change in mood, I shake my head and put a hand on his shoulder and squeeze. "No, Cartman, it's okay..."

"No it's not," he says back, shaking his head defiantly. "I went out of my way trying to prove a point when I could have just said it upfront. I don't want us to be split apart all because of some labels we've tacked onto ourselves over the years. I don't want to be committed to one single image for the rest of my life. I'm sick of others telling me what to do or what to say."

"You never let that get in the way before." I remind him. "Cartman, seriously. You don't have to worry about that happening. Sure, our parents might try to keep us apart, but so what? We'll find a way. Love always does that, right? As long as we have each other, we'll be fine." I squeeze the forgotten elephant plush in my arms while I give him a reassuring smile. "And as far as I'm concerned, you have me."

He laughs and punches my arm playfully before pulling me into a firm hug. "Jew, I thought I told you to cut the speech shit. It's annoying."

"You're only saying that because you know it's all true." I murmur as I nuzzle his chest affectionately, practically melting in his strong embrace. He hugs me tighter which causes my cheek to squish even more against his chest. I give it a quick kiss, earning a kiss on the head in return, then look back up at him with nothing but pure love in my eyes – something I hope he can see.

"I love you, Eric. Don't ever forget that."

Though I know he would appreciate it at all if I called him out on it, I can see him melt under the power of my words. "Well, I know it for sure when you use my name like that." He leans down, his face inches from mine, his breath mixing with my own. "I love you, too, Kyle. Don't forget that."

And then we kiss, our two worlds coming into one and all of that other cheesy stuff. I'm not too great at describing it – it's just perfect. Others might not think so, but it doesn't really matter to me. As long as I have Cartman in my life to make me happy, I'll be fine. This may not be the tragic, dramatic love story that _Romeo and Juliet_ was, but who cares? This ending is perfect for me.

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**So yeah. Like I said, not my best. But I tried. And that counts. Now, I'm not very sure if I'll be returning to writing at all anymore. If this depression block thing keeps up, then I doubt if I will. Plus, after this story... *shudders***

**If that happens, though, I'll let everyone know... somewhere. I guess my profile? Yeah. There.**

**Other than that... not much else. I hope you all enjoyed! And again, please, if you can, leave a comment for me. Let me know that it isn't completely the disgusting monster I think it is. It would really, really help me out because it'll make me feel like I didn't just force myself through something I shouldn't have. Thank you so much in advance.**

**See you guys later (maybe),**

**-Soul**

**And p.s. (have to do this): Special thanks to OSN for... well a lot of stuff. If it wasn't for her, I never would have finished this story. So yeah, shout out to go read her new story because it's just amazing.**

**Bye!**


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